Masquerade

Sometimes I feel like I’m on some never ending rollercoaster. The wind is blowing swiftly through my hair, on my skin. It soothes me, calms me… but at the same time I’m scared! At times I want to get off and just place my feet on solid ground… but I know that’s the easy way out, and life is challenging so I just continue this bogus ride! I’m not here to complain about my life, how hard it is or anything relating to that. I’m just sitting here reflecting on my emotions right now. I chose to share them with the world. Maybe someone out there is feeling this way too. When I look into the mirror, when I see what is staring back at me, when I actually see me… I question it. Have you ever had to stop dead in your tracks and ask yourself “Who am I” I have!!! 

Inside me I feel like an unwritten book, unsang melody, untold story. Like a caged bird, a firecracker waiting for the Boom! Inside of me I have so much to say, so much to share but I just am a “Prisoner of Words” Words left unsaid like Alicia Keys said. It’s true. I battle myself. When the times arises for me to speak my mind I withdraw myself… and just bear it all on my own… silence. 

So I SCREAM out onto this screen, I pour out my soul into my journal, I sing my sweet melody with each word I write. It’s the only way I can survive this self inflicted battle. I keep praying for the to release me from these chains I have bound myself in, but in order to do that I must face my past. Release the demons that haunt me, bring truth to the lies the enemy has been telling me for so long. Until I do so I am a Prisoner. I smile at you, but you don’t see my tears, you can’t hear my cries. One day I will be brave, I will speak out. The Lord will fill all my empty, unsure parts with confidence. Slowly but surely I will be taken out of the darkness. Until then I remain smiling at you in this big facade… a beautiful masquerade!

Mysterious Angel

How do you define the word Angel?
Is it someone dressed in white, with a hanging halo on their head?
Is it someone who revived your soul, when your spirit was dead?
Maybe it is the fireman, who settled the flames in your home
Maybe it is your expensive shrink, who cleared the negative views in your dome
Angels come in all colors, forms, shapes and sizes
Imprinting your heart and life with miraculous surprises
My angel wasnt a friend; love one, or a special doctor
Matter of fact, my angel turned out to be a devil and so much more
You see, he played his cards very right, maneuvering like a snake in the grass
Sliding from one to another, we could never see it behind the mask
As we were lost in the hypnotic trance, some began to see what he was about
But we could never believe them, he was our angel, our friend, we had not one doubt
Soon, things began to change, smiles began to fade
Friendships became fragile, starting of the rumors, began our denial
Angels cant be evil; it is out of their character
Well this angel was an actor, for the roles he played shouldve won an Oscar
My dear Angels actions, through me into a deep depression
One that only religion, could make me right again
I nearly lost my friends, family, my sanity and pride, over one man
Kind of guy that made u feel like u were in heaven, in reality u were knee deep in
Quick sand.
Youre asking your self, how he could be an angel, hes so cold, and betraying
And Ill reply to you, by simply saying
Without a test, there  can not be a testimony
This test I faced, showed me the faces of true love, and the face of a phony
I stare at these 4 faces, wondering where I would be if we had let him consume us
You all know who are, my heart, friends, my crew, my soul sistahs!
If it was not for that angel in disguise, we would not be as close as we are today
And each and every night, I thank god when I pray
For sending him to us all
When he broke our spirit, we helped each other through the fall
Now I truly do believe angels are sent from above
The black raven might end up being the white dove!

Maybe….

Deep dark eyes, staring into mine
Waiting for the moment, when will we intertwine
You kiss my lips, caress my hips
Taking my mind and body to a heavenly trip
Your thoughtfulness runs steady
When you ask me if I’m really ready
I open my mouth to say yes, but reality hits and so does the stress
Your not here with me, and I’m not there with you
I lay in my bed wishing to be in her shoes
She has your mind, body, and soul
And it’s so sad, because I’m here trying to let you go
*Take it Slow*
And just try not to let it show
But when I think of you my mind wanders into different directions
Trying to break my feelings down into many different sections
I think and think like if I looked like her, talked liked her,
Even acted and dressed liked her, maybe instead of her
Maybe you’d want me, and not just for what you see
No, no, no it can’t only be physical
Why not mental, emotional, and spiritual too
Look I have nothing to hide; all I want is you by my side
All these thoughts keep racing, my feet keep pacing
Wondering, what is it that you do, that draws me to you?
Is it your hair, your clothes, your skin, your nose?
No, none of that, but maybe I suppose
It’s that smile that drives me wild
Whatever it is that makes, me feel this way
I hate it and wish it goes away
Because as much as I expressed what I feel for you
You never react the way that I want you too
I want you to feel how I feel, see what I see
And then maybe one day, you’ll truly appreciate me

Bliss….

Another one of my earlier written poems… Had to start somewhere (lol)

 

Only the lord knows, how much my heart cries
Each time I gaze into your eyes
Such a unique shade of brown
Just staring into them make me frown
Cause I know when I look into your eyes & you look into mine
That for you, it’s just a simple thing, but I’m awaiting a sign
If only I could control what my heart feels
Push these feelings away like they are unreal
But they are, and I feel it each time we speak
Just simple words from you, make my heart weak
but i’ll continuously put my feelings to the side for your happiness
cause seeing you happy, gives me comfortness
My painful bliss, nothing compares to this…….

Yesterdat

( A Very old poem…. can u tell from the immaturity behind it…)

Steadily I lay in my bed
thoughts of you run through my head
I saw you yesterday, your smiling face brought me joy
but yesterday turned into today, you played with me like a toy
yesterday, you longed to be next to me, as i did, you
Today, I await your call like a childish fool
Yesterday, you touched me, your strong hands felt so right
Today i cry in my bed, from when the sun rises, till the moon is in sight
yesterday, I had you in the palm of my hands
Today your sinking out of my grasp like quick sand
Yesterday, I was your baby, your love, your girl
but today I’m not even apart of your world
I still lay in my bed asking myself
What happened between yesterday and today
to make things change so drastically
I close my eyes to drift off to sleep
Wishing that I never introduced myself to you last week

Mr. Intentional

Thank God for life after death
Becaue surely I was dead
You see, my heart was beating, blood still flowing
but spiritually…. I was six feet under
                  *********************************************************
Let me explain…
The night in which our eyes met,
I saw you. Licorice candy locks flowing on your mocha sweet hershey skin
Glanced in your soul, I mean… stared into your eyes and thought for a minute THIS MUST BE THE TRUTH!
But wait, the best is yet to come… your smile ooh that smile. Each muscle that formed that smile secretly kissed my fears away.
Bause with that smile I found my smile too, found minds in you.

Perfect Stranger…
From across the room I wach you in deep conversation with your
Padres, homies, friends, ya homeboys.
Possibly discussing politics, economy, history, and the beauty of life… HA!
Probably talking about Beyonce’s moves, J.lo’s butt, and Shakira’s hips… looks can decieve….

Moving on…
Your eyes  succumbon me to you.
Slowly swaying my hips, makign sure not to miss a beat
You take my hand… oh lord have mercy!
Your smooth chocolate hands send chills all through me.
You whisper in my ear “My name is…”
I… don’t… care at this moment what your name is, your date of birth, or your sign.
I’m moved by your ora, just being this close is enough for me
You lead me to the floor wher eour individual bodies unite
to think, I don’t even know you….

Mystery Man…
Your vibe is intriguing.
I want to be immersed in you,surrounded in your beauty,
captivated  by those eys, and moved by that smile.
You are so intelligent…
Makes sense why your name spells brain if spelt correctly!
My mystery man, my perfect stranger has got me in a spell, under his voo-doo
wrapped around his little finger!

I am losing my way
blinded by promises, words shared by lovers, and sweet kisses.
I am drowning in this maze of mystery
How can that smile decieve me?
The eyes that lead to your empty soul have drainded me with deceit.
Your candy locks remind me of hissing snakes reaching for whatever is left of me.
Your smooth touch has the same feeling of a blizzards breeze
There is no longer any mystery to you
your mask is transparent and I see you
All of you… So I say to you
Thank you for helping me find me!

Light In the Dark

Darkness filled the room

Tonight seemed peaceful, serene, and quiet

As the silence rang the ears of doom…

Felt like the world was waiting for “it”

                                        ************

He walked through

Quietly shut the door

Placed the key on the floor

And called out to her

He shivered as he waited for a response

The chill in the air caused him to stop… stare….

Wondering what had he gotten himself into

Thermometer read 75 degrees but inside this room felt below 0

He stared at the ice forming around the room and called out to her again

He walked for a while, searching for the unknown…

He rested in front of a window…

Not a star in the sky, met his eye

And the darkness in the room grew unbearable so he lit a candle

Within seconds the illuminated room went back to black

He cried out her name his voiced echoed with fear and pain

He then heard her whisper “I can’t let you in”

He pleaded to her that he didn’t know the way in and that she’d have to help him find the way

And she cried out in sorrow “I can’t let you in”

So he walked in darkness…

The only light he had was determination

He walked for a while and grew weary

“Lord” He cried out “Help me, guide me”

He then heard a voice say “I am the light of the room, the melody to subside the silence, I am the warmth, I’ll be your map”

He followed the voice and ended at a broken door

Could things get any worse he thought? “I don’t have a key!” He exclaimed

All this time has gone to waste…. “Now what” He wondered

A gentle voice spoke to him and said ” Keys come in many forms… use what you have”

He sat and thought for a while and behind the door her cries grew louder.

“I can’t let you in please understand” and he yelled out “I’m no magician, I’m only a man. If you can’t let me in then fine so be it, I will just wait here and sit.”

He then became drowsy and rested his eyes

A vision of her beautiful brown eyes danced in his dream. She was smiling, happy, and free

She touched his face and whispered “Come to me” She grew further away until he could

No longer see her and said “Let me in, please let me in”

His eyes jumped open and the dream was over, but he still sat confused at the broken door

“I love you , he screamed “Please open the door”

She yelled back “What part don’t you get, do not ask me anymore! If you love me you’ll get the keys off the floor, and lock the door”

“Nonsense” he yelled “I’ll never leave”

Days past and he dreamt of her smile of her warmth and of their love

Always awakened to find him-self in front of a broken door.

He grew impatient and kicked the door. This entire time he had never thought to just twist the knob…

He tried and it worked!

                                                                ***************************

The door creaked open and out came flying, raging bats!

Icicles formed around the ceiling and snow covered the ground

But finally… there was a light… he could see her!

Her body lay rigid on the bed and he ran to her

Her skin was very pale and cold to the touch. She began to cry and said “You shouldn’t have come”

The tears rolled down her face and as they appeared he whiped them away.

“Of course I would come. I’ve waited for you”

“Many have come before you; they showed their patience by waiting at my broken door;

Pushed through my complicated maze for many, many days.

They endured the ice-cold chill, simply for the thrill

They dreamt of my brown eyes with hidden motives and lies

I’ve seen many like you and I’ll tell you again

I will not allow you to come in!

His body gave out and he fell to the floor

He asked “Dear God, can I take anymore? How can I prove my love is true?

That what they did I would never do.

I’ve waited with patience with no harmful intentions

I’ve opened your broken door, because from you I long for more

Indeed I was left in the dark, but my patience was my light and

Will be the key to your heart.

 

The walls of the room came crashing to the ground

He looked into her eyes, and as in his dream, they were again brown

The darkness was hidden by rays of light

Colors danced across the room as the sun shined bright

Birds chirped and sang from up above

The silent sound of doom had been replaced with a song of love

***************************

“Leslie wake up!” Leslie jumped out of her bed

“You will never believe the vision that came to my head.

I had this crazy dream about a dark room and it was very cold!”

“Ok, Ok… tell it when Matt gets here… he’s on his way!”

Meanwhile: Matt was thinking as he started his motor

“How can I break it to her, that I want us to be over”

Matt reached Leslie’s place within minutes and a cold chill ran through her body

She hugged Matt, but the embrace was broken

Leslie looked into his eyes and knew what was going to happen

She looked away and began to cry

 Matt didn’t feel like questioning her emotions and cared less to ask her why

She looked into his eyes and confessed

“I know I’ve been guarded, I was so cold

There’s so many things that I left untold

You’re such an amazing friend, I tense up at the sound of your name

Continually asking myself will you be the same?

Will you break my heart as the ones before?

Battling in my mind could your love be true?

I’ve been so guarded, so cold and so mean

And I always vowed never to be hurt again

But Matt… I’m ready to let you in”

You are Important to me, I need you to survive

Yes,Yes…. I’m brand new to wordpress but indeed am not new to the blogging scene. I think writing is in my blood. I know the Lord blesses each individual with a certain gift(s) to share with the world… and do spectactular,postive actions with them. For a long time I locked up all my work. I didn’t feel adequate. I would read other writers blogs, poems, stories and feel that mine didn’t even compare to theirs. I’ve come to grow comfortable in my own style. Everyone is blessed in their own way and something I may write , may end up being great to someone and horrible to another. As long as the Lord helped me to reach one person I feel grrreeat! lol So please read, write, analyze, comment, feel, love, cry, laugh…. do anything you want but please do something when you read my blogs or anyones. They took their time to share part of themselves with you…. complete strangers and that to me is amazing. You’ll be hearing lots from me…. I’m pretty sick right now… Getting over a horrible cold! Life stinks when u don’t have insurance…. lol So i’m going to go rest now. Live.Love.Laugh.Give Love.